i’m five hours early to the airport. looking at the growing crowd in my terminal, there may be flights arriving and then leaving my gate before my flight. the woman seated next to me has apple care on speakerphone trying to troubleshoot why her wifi won’t connect. my gate clearly isn’t big enough for the […]

nothing was the same.

i have a lot of thoughts about a lot of things. situations i’ve been in, people i’ve known, the mountains of feelings i’ve left unsaid… there is so much i want to say, apologize for or justify and not apologize for. i want to publicly talk about things i’ve been harboring so i can cut […]

the rules.

your flaws are yours. they’re weeds and perennials, prized vegetables and pollinated fruits. the neighbors can gawk but it’s your garden, your yard. yank your exes out by their roots. fertilize friends and forgive yourself when some don’t survive the winter. cross pollination happens and well-meaning can still kill a crop. tend it how you please. […]

ten to one, you can’t dance to it.

I grew up doing children’s theatre. Music Man and Annie and Alice In Wonderland. Musicals. Plays with songs that get stuck in your head three months after closing. Tonight I did my first stage play. And it just so happened to be one I directed. I directed my first play. Me. I did that. I […]

what’s past is prologue. 

Everything that has happened has led me to right now, to this place. The boy and his bats. The red ink stains that people mistake for blood. The old best friend with red hair who ate men like air – until one day she didn’t. The “i am”s like heartbeats. The break-up that had me […]

this is how you lose her.

i’ve been thinking a lot about fire escapes. about lofts high up in sleepless cities. about clear night skies and clearer days. about vitamin d deficiencies and short daylight hours. about very little daylight. the sun marred by cloudy skies. maybe it’ll rain, maybe not, but here’s four or so days of the sky making […]

“i’m not here looking for absolution because i’ve found myself an old solution”

i’ve had better first days in a new year. i can’t say i’ve genuinely smiled once. i can’t say i’ve said much. my dreams contain a wall of water wielded by another and caves into which i didn’t dare venture. i don’t need a dream dictionary to figure this one out. usually i can’t write […]

“life doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints”

i thought i wanted to write a “year in review” post, catalog my triumphs and foibles – and i’ve had an even share of both. but, eso si que es, c’est la vie, et cetera… i’ve extrapolated about the major things and mentioned the minors. i am actively thinking (😉) of the quickly approaching year, […]