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the rules.

  • your flaws are yours. they’re weeds and perennials, prized vegetables and pollinated fruits. the neighbors can gawk but it’s your garden, your yard. yank your exes out by their roots. fertilize friends and forgive yourself when some don’t survive the winter. cross pollination happens and well-meaning can still kill a crop. tend it how you please.
  • take a road trip. alone. put your music on shuffle and sing along with the windows rolled down. travel the rural route – you know you know i-95 better than your family history. remember you need time. your me-time. to spend or waste to your heart’s content. so book the hotel room and dance out of your journey’d jeans.
  • let your phone die. some experiences are better lived fully.
  • get the tattoo. go by yourself and get to know the artist holding the gun. be moral support (or devil’s advocate) for a friend. pay for someone else’s ink at least once. yes, you will get older and lose the elasticity afforded by youth. you will gain weight and you will lose it, but have this moment. and some moments get colored over by new ones, but have it still.
  • see the girl who used to be on the disney channel in concert. drive across state lines if you must. the venue will be sticky-hot and the girl whose purse is in your back will complain about literally everything, but you’ll look at every femme with nothing but love and be fine with your spot on the side of the stage because you’re thrilled to be in the same room.

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    nice is different than good.

    2002: i moved from san antonio, texas to a very small town in south carolina when i was eleven years old. going into the sixth grade is a daunting enough feat without having to cross state lines, but such is the life of an army brat. one day my music teachers took us on a class field trip to see our local children’s theatre put on their production of annie, jr. a girl named jessica in my music class was the lead as annie. looking up at that stage opened my eyes and i said to myself “i could do that. i could be up on that stage.”

    2015: fast forward twelve, thirteen years and a handful of plays later to this past weekend. our children’s theatre put on a jr. version of into the woods and i still get giddy over the fact that i participated under the title “director”. as a preteen desperately wanting to move back to san antonio, i can honestly say i never thought my life would turn out like this. that i would find something so dear to my heart and that is would lead me to my purpose. but i wouldn’t have it any other way.

    o captains, my captains.

    this pretty blonde lady here took a chance on a little and very green selah, and through a series of strange but fortunate events i get to sit next to her on the stage i grew up on. also, it’s kind of cool how her younger brother was the first boy to break my heart but she is the woman who changed my life. 😉

    this show was our children’s theatre’s 15th year anniversary and its 20th production, so i got sappy and framed our cast photos for my directors (we’re all directors but i still look up to them and follow wherever they may lead).

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    a glimpse of our audience of kids from county school. the turn out was so massive this year, we unfortunately had to turn schools away. not a bad problem to have, if i’m speaking frankly.

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    if you follow me on twitter and/or instagram, you’ve probably noticed my mentionings of our cast size. approximately 107 cast members ranging from ages 6 to 19-ish (shhh, 21), and about fifteen or so crew members involved with costumes, sets, stage managing, lights, sound, etc… 

    working on this production was partly imputes for my guilt v shame post, yet somehow pictures still cannot capture the immensity of the people involved this year.

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    the girl on the right is someone i’ve known since she was seven. now she’s seventeen and on the cusp of graduating high school. the second cast party took place at sonic since this is her last show with us. ;_;

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    ‘though it’s fearful. though it’s deep, though it’s dark. though you may lose the path.’ until next year…

    (images 1, 2, 3, 8, & 9 courtesy of Michelle Grinberg. all others are my own.)