i’m wearing glitter.
i repeat, i am wearing glitter. maybe it’s not a readily known fact but i hate glitter. it’s so goddamn messy. in my younger years, you could find me in art class any given day being the girl furthest away from glitter – and the color pink. crayons, markers, construction paper, it didn’t matter. if it was pink, i wanted nothing to do with it.
even now, i’m firmly in my mid-twenties and anyone who knows me will tell you – “selah don’t do pink.” it’s not that i’m still the same “pink, that’s girly, gross!” kind of girl i once was; i just never saw the hype over it. and then the more educated about gender norms i became, the more offish about the color i was. no way a color inherently represents a specific anatomical feature nor does my love or hate for that color indicate anything remotely related to my sexuality, yada yada yada.
and yet now…here and there i pick things up. a floral mug with a pink flower. a black, white, and pink to-do list. nail polish. i pause every time, debate the potential purchase, check for another option (a more gender neutral one) oftentimes to “see if they have it in black”. it’s habit, what i gravitate to – or rather what i gravitate away from.
one of the guys, military brat, suffer in silence type – there are plenty of explanations why i’ve been such a tomboy all these years. i don’t regret it a bit, can’t find a real reason to stray from it, but damn if i don’t like self-care for the sheer sake of it.
bubble baths because they’re relaxing. mimosas because there happens to be orange juice in the fridge. put on eyeshadow while fully well knowing i have no place to go. paint my toenails three times in one day because hurricane matthew shut off our power and who the hell cares? splurge on a satin slip or get my nails done. i don’t have to have an event coming up and i don’t have to have a bad week preceding the splurge.
sometimes i just want to, ya know?